Sleep training from a baby's perspective

OK, here is my situation. My Mommy has had me for almost 7 months. The first few months were great - I cried, she picked me up and fed me, anytime, day or night. Then something happened. Over the last few weeks, she has been trying to STTN (sleep thru the night). At first, I thought it was just a phase, but it is only getting worse. I have talked to other babies, and it seems like it is pretty common after Mommies have had us for around 6 months, and apparently you're lucky if it's not earlier. Here is the thing: these Mommies do not really need to sleep. It is just a habit. Many of them have had some 30 years to sleep--they just do not need it anymore. So, I am implementing a plan. I call it the Cry-baby Shuffle. It goes like this:

Night 1--cry every 3 hours until you are fed. I know, it is hard. It is hard to see your Mommy upset over your crying. Just keep reminding yourself, it is for her own good.

Night 2--cry every 2 hours until you are fed.

Night 3 - every hour. Most Mommies will start to respond more quickly after about 3 nights. Some Mommies are more alert, and may resist the change longer. These Mommies may stand in your doorway for hours, shhhh-ing. Do not give in. I cannot stress this enough: CONSISTENCY IS KEY! If you let her STTN (sleep through the night), just once, she will expect it every night. I KNOW IT IS HARD! However, she really does not need the sleep; she is just resisting the change. If you have an especially alert Mommy, you can stop crying for about 10 minutes, just long enough for her to go back to bed and start to fall asleep. Then cry again. It WILL eventually work. My Mommy once stayed awake for 10 hours straight, so I know she can do it. Last night, I cried every hour. You just have to decide to stick to it and just go for it. BE CONSISTENT! I cried for any reason could come up with:

• My sleep sack tickled my foot.
• I felt a wrinkle under the sheet.
• My mobile made a shadow on the wall.
• I burped, and it tasted like pears. (I hadn't eaten pears since lunch, what is up with that?)
• The cat said "meow". (I should know. My Mommy reminds me of this about 20 times a day.)
• Once I cried just because I liked how it sounded when it echoed on the monitor in the other room.
• Too hot, too cold, just right--does not matter! KEEP CRYING!

It took awhile, but it worked. She fed me at 4 am. Tomorrow night, my goal is 3:30 am. You need to slowly shorten the interval between feedings in order to reset your Mommies' internal clocks. Good Luck!

P.S. Do not let those rubber things fool you; no matter how long you suck on them, no milk will come out. Trust me.

(No, Mama did not write this. It came on the internet).