Do they sell "parents are coming to visit" insurance?

I need some.

I'm not the world's worst driver, but I'm definitely not the best, either. I'm careful and try to accommodate for my deficiencies (poor depth perception, poor sense of spatial relations). And, sometimes, accidents happen.

For the past several years, mine always happen just a few days prior to a scheduled visit from Oosje and Bampa.

Thanksgiving, 2005: I visit the B's house to pick up a dress that will fit Moolah for the holidays (and, Lil for the 2007 holiday season when she will wear it for her Christmas photos). The B's live on a busy street. So, pulling out of their driveway, I gun the engine to merge with traffic, sideswiping a fire hydrant and cutting open three panels along Sabi's side like a bad can opener. Oosje and Bampa arrive in a couple of days. This one is totally my fault. I admit that. Fire hydrant versus pickup, fire hydrant wins.

Thanksgiving, 2007: I'm on my way to a conference on a dark night and I take the exit I need just a tiny bit too late. There's a little ridge in the road, and I go bump, bump over it. Not CRASH BANG BUMP. Just bump, bump. However, the little bump tears a giant hole in the oil pan, and it, along with several other pieces, need to be replaced. Oosje and Bampa show up just in time to hold Moolah while I direct the tow truck guy. This one, also my fault sort of, but the extent of the damage from a little ridge in the road is totally unforseeable.

Ace's Birthday, May 2008: I'm driving home from Boot Camp and a little chunk of 4-by-4 wood comes off a truck in front of me. It bounces straight under my tire. We go BUMP. A big bump, but no CRASH BANG. I have Daddy look the car over as soon as I get home, everything looks fine. The next day, no air in the tire. Les Schwab shows me a big chunk in the wheel, which needs to be replaced. They can get a wheel for my fancy european car on Monday. Oosje and Bampa will be here on Saturday. This one is totally not my fault.

I blame Oosje and Bampa. Not that it will help. I tried to blame them (or the car, or the other drivers, or anything other than me) when I was learning to drive. Bampa never bought it. Maybe there's some kind of car karma playing out here. Maybe it's that I didn't take responsibility for my own mistakes back when I was learning to drive. ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT... I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. NOW LEAVE THE PEPPAR WAGON ALONE, PLEASE!!!